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Mama Views - Mother of One

Updated: Jul 13, 2021

Perspectives are in no short supply with moms. This series will examine the same ten questions from a different mama's point of view. The mom that competed the survey will remain anonymous so that they feel comfortable sharing their most honest perspective. What makes the difference in perspective? Tell us what you think in the comments below!

Mom of One

How did you become a mother? Was it planned?

Yes and no. I became pregnant unexpectedly. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. My grief for my unexpected loss turned into a determination to “get it right.” I was on a mission to prove that my body could accomplish the one thing it was designed to: make a baby. After several miscarriages, I accepted that the inability to carry a child did not make me any less of a woman. I returned to living my life happily. I even grew to feel a sense of relief that I wasn’t pregnant yet. After all I was barely 30 years old. Then out of the blue I became pregnant again with my daughter who is now 6 years old.

Did you enjoy your pregnancy?

Because of the miscarriages I experienced when I tried to have a child initially, I did not enjoy my pregnancy. I spent every waking day filled with anxiety that I would miscarry. I remember feeling the dread well up in my chest every time I had to go to the bathroom (and we know how much that is when you are pregnant). I was so afraid of seeing that red indicator in my underwear that it was about to be over, and I had failed yet again. It certainly didn’t help that my pregnancy was filled with morning sickness for all three trimesters, round ligament pain so severe I was on bed rest, and other complications that made me feel even more like I was walking tightrope to grow the child inside me. I remember the first time I felt my daughter move inside me I was so filled with joy I cried. The motive for my tears quickly turned to fear when the anxiety filled up inside me again. I was so in love with her; but I felt so helpless to protect her against my body that could turn on us as any time. To top it all off, I had to have a caesarean delivery because she was in a posterior position and couldn’t travel down the birth canal on her own.

What type of mother would you describe yourself as?

I'm a detail-oriented mom who believes in fostering independence in my child. I am focused on raising a spiritually aware and emotionally independent human who will contribute love and kindness to the world.

As a mother of one, what aspects of motherhood are you anxious about?

I worry that I will miss something that will turn out to be critical to the development of my child. I worry that my emotional baggage will create baggage for her. I worry that I won’t be able to protect her from the villains of this world whether its school yard bullies, or pedophiles. I worry that not having a sibling may mean that she feels alone as an adult and burdened with the care of her parents when we become elderly. Those are the major worries.

Did you choose to be a mom of one? If so, why?

Immediately after my daughter's birth, friends and family started hinting towards the arrival of the next baby. Things like, "Don't worry, the next one will be easier" and "make sure you put at least two years between her and her sibling." She is six now, and those comments have turned to, "what are you waiting for" and "don't be selfish, she needs a sibling." It really does seem like as long as I am capable of providing a sibling for my daughter, I'm obligated to. I'm not sure who made up that societal rule, but I refuse to abide by it. I choose not to have another child simply because I don't want to have another one. And honestly, I feel no obligation to have my "permission slip" signed regarding choices about my body. So I simply smile and laugh off remarks that imply otherwise because at the end of it all no one gets to make that determination but me.

What do you enjoy most about motherhood?

Definitely the conversations with her! I so love to hear her little six-year-old perspective. I really love hearing her reasoning, listening to her made up stories, and the goals she is setting for herself. And I love seeing her experience new fun things and creating those memories for her. I also think it’s really cool to see the different personality traits of me and my husband show up in her personality.

Do you ever regret becoming a mother?

It’s a funny feeling. At times, when I think of how cruel the world can be and some of the things she may face, I wonder if I should not have brought her into this mess of a world. But then, there is no way to "unlove" your child. So I wish I didn’t have to worry about her and I dread her experiencing a lot of things. But I also cannot imagine my life without her because I’ve changed so much of me to become her mom.

Is there anything you would like to change about how you are viewed as a mother?

At first, I was concerned about the way I am viewed as a mom. But now, I’m more concerned about finding the people that make me feel supported as a mother. I have accepted that not everyone will agree with my choices for my daughter, and that is ok.

Have you ever experienced mom shaming? If so, how do you handle it?

Yes I have. Mom shaming is very prevalent but, the expert was once a beginner. And we all have different parenting experiences so why shame me when I don't know something? I’m learning that information is key to be a great mom. So even if I’m mom shamed, I shake it off and determine if the information behind it is worthwhile. If it is, then, I get to be a better mom for my daughter – and that is the bottom line for me.

Have you ever pretended to know something that another mother already knew because you felt guilty that you were unaware of it?

Absolutely! Lol! And then I looked it up after! Really, we need to work on being more supportive to each other. But then I guess that goes both ways, because we can also work on being more honest with each other as moms too!

What would you say to someone thinking about becoming a mother?

The only thing you need to be a great mother is love. Every good thing is born out of love. You have to love your child more than the fears and anxiety that come along with motherhood. Everything else you can learn along the way. That’s what we are all doing anyway. No mother has it all figured out.

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